The ‘Manosphere’ and Its Profound Influence on Boys

I’m the mom of two boys - a 7th grader and a 9th grader - and I pay fairly close attention to what they engage with online. As they get older and have more independence this gets trickier and I’m aware of the fact that they are now in the target age range where their core belief systems could be very easily influenced by what they watch online. One specific network of online communities spewing hateful ideologies and that has picked up steam with teens and young men is the “manosphere.”

Maybe you’ve heard of the hyper masculine, abusive misogynist Andrew Tate (currently in Romania awaiting trial on charges of rape and human trafficking). He made quite a splash with his YouTube videos a couple of years back, influencing millions of tween and teen boys across the globe and sending parents and educators into a panicked frenzy. Just to give you a taste of what his audience hears from him, here are a few quotes:

“Women should clean up. Not only should women clean up, women should clean up unprompted.”
“A woman’s worth is determined by her ability to please and satisfy a man.”
“I have everything every man has ever dreamed of. I got a big mansion, I got super cars, I can live anywhere I want, I got unlimited women, I go where I want; I do anything I want all the time. So, I’m an amazing role model.”

But Andrew Tate is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the manosphere. The influence that creeps in through various outlets and is informing our boys is deeply disturbing. So in this blog post I want to break down what the manosphere is, who is involved, how it reaches our boys and what you can do as a parent to engage your child’s values and critical thinking skills when they see this content.

What is the manosphere?

Let’s start by just defining what the manosphere actually is. I like this definition from Media Matters:

“The manosphere is an online community of right-wing websites, bloggers, and influencers that is cultivating a worldview based on a conservative and outdated gender politics repackaged for the internet age, which valorizes pick up artists, violent misogynists, incels, men’s rights advocates, and conservative cultural critics. The group often blames women for myriad societal woes and treats them as an inferior sex.” - Josh Horowitz, Media Matters

So where did this hate filled and regressive ideology stem from? There are many theories, but it has become increasingly apparent that young men (I’ll speak only for the United States) are struggling. According to various data sources (see below):

Men now lag significantly behind women in education. More women finish high school, do better in school and graduate college, leading to higher paying jobs.
The percentage of men in the labor force has been steadily decreasing since the 1960s while the percentage of women has steadily increased
“Deaths of Despair” eg. suicides, drug overdoses have increased significantly for men in the past 2 decades
Blue collar jobs and jobs that require physical strength have been slowly disappearing since the advent of highly mechanized workforces and the dawn of the internet age. New information age jobs have left men at a disproportionate disadvantage - particularly in rural areas.
Men are lonely - remote work, digital entertainment, less “3rd spaces” to congregate means men have fewer and fewer friends

Simultaneously, women have made great strides over the past 50 years as have people of color and our immigrant population. However, as Gen Z women have become increasingly progressive in their beliefs, Gen Z men are becoming increasingly conservative.

Men looking for an explanation or someone to blame for their struggles can find simplistic and pseudo scientific answers online: women and all other “minority” groups are to blame and the only way to fix it is to go back to an old fashioned and outdated trope of what masculinity should look like while simultaneously strong arming and repressing these groups.

Cue social media influencers and a movement is born.

Where do we find manosphere influences?

Streamers:

Influencers hoping to engage and hook young boys and men find them where they hang out the most: YouTube, TikTok, Reddit, Discord and Twitch. Deeper and darker recesses of the internet such as 4chan, Kick and Rumble host the more extreme content that has been banned on mainstream platforms.

What’s important to understand is that many influencers in this space are very charismatic, appear to be “living the life.” They are selling an idea of what a “real man” should look and act like. Often constructive and “healthy” life advice will be mixed in with their more toxic ideas. For example, many manosphere influencers encourage boys and men to “get off the couch,” to be proactive, to take care of their bodies and exercise (all lifestyle choices we can theoretically get behind). Often this can be an entry point for teens and young men who are feeling lost or aimless. What starts out as tough love and encouragement slowly begins to indoctrinate these boys with misogynistic, shallow and hateful ideas.

Promises are made that if they follow the same path these influencers have taken they will be more masculine, make money and get women. Another way that these ideologies spread is through meme culture.

Memes:

The irreverent tone of meme culture and its subversive nature means that misogynistic, racist, and generally hateful memes can hide behind the guise of an off color joke. Who is receiving and spreading most of these memes? Boys.

Algorithms Pushing Hateful Content:

Many young boys may stumble into this content unwittingly. It might start with a relatively benign “looksmaxxing” video (you know, the mewing meme), or smellmaxxing (sharing favorite cologne), or maybe a video on how to build muscle or how to talk to a girl. It might even be a silly stereotype video. Algorithms quickly pick up on the type of videos it thinks your child might want to see and start feeding them more extreme versions of this content to keep them coming back. Much of this content comes at them at lightning speed - especially on YouTube shorts or TikTok or IG Reels. Before they know it they are listening to someone make a misogynistic joke, then talk about how women or minorities have turned the world against them and soon they have been drawn into the manosphere.

Who’s Who in the manosphere ?

Though new people will surely arrive on this scene, I want to share with you some of the current names you may or may not have heard of in this space besides Andrew Tate. It’s worth asking your sons if they know of any of these streamers and engaging in a curious conversation about it:

Adin Ross

Sneako

ishowspeed

Theo Von

Joe Rogan

Jordan Peterson

Logan Paul

Fresh & Fit Podcast

So What should healthy masculinity look like?

The pressure for boys to behave a certain way or go against the grain starts very early. Boys who don’t “man up”, boys who express their emotions or boys who are more sensitive are often classified as “wusses.” Studies show that many boys and men do not actually agree with limited stereotypes of what a man should be, yet they lack the role models and societal permission to express a fuller picture of what it looks like to be masculine. This void creates space for influencers to step in and spread toxic ideologies

With algorithms pushing extreme content for clicks, it’s no wonder that some of the better role models and examples of the various ways to embrace masculinity get relegated to the background.

What can parents and educators do?

Masculinity does not have to be toxic! It should be embraced, not demonized. With emphasis placed on respect, empathy, integrity, leadership skills, listening skills and balanced strength.
Boys should be consciously introduced to positive male role models - both historical and current. Parents and educators and ask boys what qualities they look for in a role model and who they look up to.
Schools need more male teachers. More than 75% of teachers are women. Boys need to look up to, learn from and emulate mentors in their day to day lives.
Digital Literacy - the ability to be critical and skeptical of the media that is fed to us - should be taught in school.
Call out and question tropes of what it means to be a “real man.” Point to the ways in which these ideas can be limiting, while being open to the positive parts that do resonate for many boys and men.
Engage in conversation. If you see your son/student watching these influencers or engaging in these communities, take the time to ask questions about what the appeal is for them. State your concerns while being careful not to shame or blame.

I want to leave you with some resources that can deepen and support your learning about the manosphere, while also providing practical tips for guiding boys in a healthy direction. With the right guidance and role models boys can grow up to be men who feel valuable and respected while embracing change and progress for those who have historically had less societal advantages.