Your Child’s First Phone - A Guide for Freaked Out Parents!
Maybe it’s a graduation gift, maybe it’s a birthday, or maybe you’ve held out as long as you can and now is the time. Whatever the circumstance, getting your child their first phone is a big milestone and not one to be taken lightly. There are steps you can and should take to make the experience age appropriate and safe and that’s what we’re going to talk about here.
But before we dive into that, I want to take a moment to make sure you really feel your child is ready for this responsibility. It’s easy for parents to give in to the peer pressure or the constant nagging of a child, but taking a few moments to consider whether a phone is the right move is worth it.
Ask yourself:
Is my child responsible with their stuff? Will they take care of this phone and not break/lose it?
Is my child confident and comfortable in their social relationships or are they insecure, jealous or anxious?
Does my child respect and follow our family’s rules and will they follow the rules I set out for phone use?
Is my child doing well in school? Are they actively participating in something extracurricular?
The reason I want you to ask yourself these questions is that once a child has a phone it very quickly starts to fill up all the little free spaces. It also means that there will be more communication with people, more access to news and eventually perhaps social media. All of this can become overwhelming and you want to make sure your kiddo is equipped to manage it.
If you’re on the fence, but you want to be able to communicate you may want to consider either a smart watch or a kid friendly phone like the Pinwheel.
Ok, moving on. If you feel this is the right time to get your child a smartphone - let’s get to it!
This is the checklist I want you to follow when you get your child their new phone:
Figure out what you are comfortable with them having access to on the phone. Just because they have a phone, that doesn’t mean they need to be able to do anything they want on there. It also doesn’t mean they need to have social media - more on that later.
Talk to your child about your expectations in terms of where and when they can use the phone. My recommendation for younger kids is to keep the phone out of the bedroom for example. It is particularly important that the phone(and all other devices) stay out of the bedroom overnight - that goes for teens and adults too!
Use the tools that come built into the phone to help set limits on what time of day and for how long certain apps can be used. These screen time limiting tools also block adult content and scan for inappropriate photos being sent back and forth. This guide does a great job of walking parents through the set up for both iPhones and Android.
Sit down together and make a contract outlining your rules, expectations and consequences for breaking them. Here is a link to my SmartPhone Contract which you can print and use.
If you don’t have a dock/charging station (a place to charge and park your devices) I recommend getting one and setting it up in your kitchen or somewhere central in your home. It’s a good way to keep the new phone and all other devices out of bedrooms and charged.
Before I let you go I just want to mention social media. Just because you give your child a phone this does not mean they have to now gain access to social media. Social media is its own beast. There is more and more evidence and consensus every day that it is potentially linked to higher rates or depression, anxiety and body dysphoria. The US Surgeon General even put out an official warning about it last month. My recommendation is to wait as long as possible and then go slow. One app at a time and make sure to follow their accounts and do your homework. Most importantly, continue to talk with your child about their experience on social media in an open and curious way. Check in on their wellbeing and let them know that your plan is to be a mentor to them as they find their way.
I wish you all luck and as always you can reach out to me for further guidance if needed.